There was a time when I was so ignorant and blind… literally deceived, that I did not know that I could choose my thoughts!  I thought I was simply stuck with whatever thoughts 'came into my head'.  I did not know The Lord, so I did not know The Truth.  I did not have the eyes of my understanding opened and I did not have 'ears to hear' what the spirit was saying.  I was left to my own devices.  I was left to my own vices and my own sins reproved me.  I was helpless against the wiles of the devil.  Consequences  were all I understood.


I did not know what value my life could have to God. 

Like the precious Ark of The Covenant, now I also, am able and privileged to carry The Presence of God.  I thought my history of badness disqualified me but rather it made me an excellent candidate for knowing God personally!  He didn't come for the righteous but for sinners, and not to condemn… but to save.  Rather than running away from God with my sin I could have been running to Him with it because it really was His, and I was His too.  He had bought and paid for me, with a dear price… His own blood and His own Life… however, I didn't know all that. 

Now The Presence of I AM in me; Christ in me, My Hope of Glory.  The Hope of Glory is steadily and persistently  guiding me  through a conglomeration of conditions and experiences, and the whole gamut of spiritual geography and history.  You know… bottoming out in the world to get to the end of myself in the natural realm; getting born again and spirit filled.  Discovering what my gifts and strengths are and the sin that so easily beset me.  Experiencing The Anointing, The Wilderness, The Revelatory gifting,

The Diversity of 'churches', and the fellowship of the brethern.  Of course, as a pastor I have had first hand experience with church splits that devastated me and the entire flock… and with those that sow dischord among the brethern.  The shock as all The Great Men of God around me fell; an even greater shock as I found myself stumbling and falling from the stress, the losses, the betrayals, the rebellion of those I nursed when they were broken.  They left only to apostlize our congregation in order to establish themselves without a farewell party for their mission. 

Oh God, I repented also for being so naïve' and for giving such authority to the immature that were enabled then, by me, to use their skills to talk a good game.  I believed the best of them. I have seen the uprooting and the rebuilding, the core built up and then pruned and built up to be pruned again.  Pruned if you're bearing fruit so you will bear more and pruned if you don't bear fruit so that you will begin to bear.  The moral to that story seems to be that you are 'pruned if you do and pruned if you don't!'

Now we are experiencing extreme 'death to self', as leaders.  Let the church be changed and let it begin with me.  'Freedom's just another word for nothin' left to lose…'. (Bobby McGee). We are getting free to say the least.  It's all for good, it's all about love, its no more 'whats the right thing to do, but what's the loving thing to do'.  Its no longer those easy tests of choosing between good and evil, but now the choice is usually between what is good, better, best and that which is most excellent.  The discerner must be exercised to work for maturity.

We embrace humility, love it when our hearts are pierced with His Word, His Undeniable Presence.  As His Life in us increases, we find ourselves walking on water.  We find our little wooden (wood represents human nature) boat is crumbling beneath us and faith will now no longer be a choice, but THE SUBSTANCE OF THINGS HOPED FOR.  HE IS APPEARING A SECOND TIME; WE DO KNOW THAT WE ARE THE TEMPLE OF GOD, A HOUSE MADE WITH LIVING STONES, NOT MADE WITH HANDS. 


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